Review- How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You

If you’re familiar with the webcomic The Oatmeal, chances are you know what you’re getting into with this one. 😉 Written and illustrated by Matthew Inman (aka- The Oatmeal), this book is full of craziness in comic-form, crass humor, and cats. Oh yes, so very many cats.

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I find it rather appropriate that I write this review as my cat slumbers at my side, no doubt dreaming of murder and mayhem. Those of you with fuzzy hell beasts, er, I mean cats of your own, are sure to recognize plenty of your own cat’s habits throughout the pages of this book. But, as The Oatmeal will point out, Some of the most mundane-seeming things our feline friends do in their daily lives might just be major red flags indicating their nefarious intentions.

You might think it’s cute when your cat kneads you with their paws, but what if this is really just their way of checking your internal organs for signs of weaknesses? And what of that excessive shoveling they do when burying their poo in the kitty litter box? Yup, practice for when they have to bury your body later. Also, despite what most people would tell you, it isn’t a gift when your cat leaves you a dead bird or mouse. It’s a warning.

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This art-filled book spans various cat-related subjects including, but not limited to:

6 ways to tell if your cat thinks it’s a mountain lion.

How you see your cat and how your cat sees you. (Hint: They see us as “giant hairless gorilla-pig slaves” only put on this earth to fulfill their every want and need.)

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you.

Having a baby vs. having a cat. (Quote from this section in regards to human infants: “Comes shrieking out of a vagina like some kind of jam-covered goblin.”) lol If you haven’t already guessed from that quote, this section is heavily in the favor of cats over babies.

If we treated our cats like they treat us.

The Bobcats. (If you’ve ever wondered what life at the office would be like if you had a couple of cats for co-workers, wonder no further. The Bobs are here to steal your sandwiches from the break room fridge, terrorize interns, and lick their own genitals all on the company’s dime.)/

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I think this book could be the perfect gift for any cat lover you might have in your life. (Assuming they don’t mind some naughty language and potty humor, of course.) It’s makes for a fun little coffee table book, too. How could a title like that NOT spark up conversation? 😛 It was a fun and quick read (finished it in one sitting).

 

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As suggested by Forged From Reverie I have decided to share some pictures of my own furry companion after marveling at another adorable post about his trusty battle pug, Oghren. This was his ninth installment of “A Man and his Pug” and this one featured Oghren in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume. As if that wasn’t enough to make you want to go check it out, the post also discusses the pure joy it is to have a pug, a topic I can definitely get behind!

So, on that note, allow me to formally introduce you fine folks to my loving and faithful companion, Bailey. She’s a sweetheart, but is also capable of being a total crap sandwich when she wants to be. Seriously, I’ve got plenty of stories I could tell you. She’s great in the sense that she always uses her litter box and never scratches up the furniture, and very rarely has hairballs, but she’s got some major sass and attitude sometimes. Even then, it’s impossible to stay mad at her because the circumstances are usually more ridiculous than infuriating, anyway. I wouldn’t give her up for anything.

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She makes a great sidekick. She even has an amazing burger costume she dons on occasion! Probably to fight crime or something. 😉

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